Lately, I’ve been working and focusing on my spirituality and music. i wish I had learned to play the guitar when i was just a teenager! things would have been so much different. Guitar has changed “the game” for me. Before this, I was lost ….. i still am a little lost, but finding my way and liking who I am becoming.
Now, I feel I have purpose. I have a talent. Something i can use to create value every day.
I’ve completely cut ties with my fucking toxic family that always wants, wants, wants, wants. they only come to me when they NEEDD something. never to check in and ask how I am. so fuck them.
I am now an orphaned only child. this is how it should have been from the start. i never belonged with my family. too much disgusting abuse and anguish. I was tormented!!!!FOR YEARS!!
now I am away from THAT place, that house, that hellhole …. pretty sure if Amy Allen were to visit, she would say “this is the fucking hellmouth, man! the gateway to hell and evil just comes and goes as it pleases”
***sidfe note: Im trying out this “automatic writing” process, hence all of the typos as I’m not going back to correct it, or even care to always hit the shift key…. so rock n roll, huh?***
anyway …. where was I? I’m not going to feel guilty for choosing happiness over SELF CREATED misery. My family creates their own drama. they choose to live that way. they choose to never change. they choose to never evolve. they choose to not act as adults, even though they all are with children. doesn’t matter to them. I come from a family of very selfish narcissists. NOT FUN. except for my Gram – she was a one of a kind woman who cared with every beat of her heart…. RIP </3
but now that I’m away from them (far away) I’m able to process my feelings and the traumas I’ve endured …… sometimes without even knowing i was being traumatized … i am PTSD!
Going to enjoy this tropical thunderstorm . i love the rain pounding on my skylights and windows. Happy Friday!
Searching 4 Paradise 